So that's how it works...

Ok, so you know all those commercials on television that promises healthier looking skin. Yes, if you're a Vanessa Williams, Jessica Simpson, or Tonya Harding fan, you've definately seen them. Well, I tried the Australian equivalent to them and here's just a little story about this experience.

So, I started breaking out after shaving and realized that Australia probably wouldn't have products for people with my skin type (anything darker than pale). My skin was horrible. I like, didn't want to go outside or antyhing. Except to make the next pub crawl. So it went to this chinese herbal shop recommended by some girl from my hallway. It was right down the street so I didn't have much to lose. After spending 24.99 dollars, I was ready to change my appearance. The women in the store said it worked only 50% of the time, so I wasn't expecting a miracle.

During the first couple of hours, I must have applied the stuff on my face about 10 times. This continued for the next 6 hours. I had to stop though. The fumes from the chemicals were starting to make me feel woozy. I think sometime in there I read the instructions inwhich it said it peels away dead skin cells. Naturally, I was excited to only pay 24.99 for my own skin peel.

As I awake in the morning, I notice a slight change. I'm excited and preparing to go to class. Stepping out of the shower, I look in the mirror again and notice that my face is completely white. So, i rub and rub, and rub away dead skin until the majority of my face is a maroon color. Then, as I attempt to move my mouth, I look in the mirror and catch a glimpse of the amazingness that is my beauty. Sure, my face was red and possibly bleeding. And sure, maybe I could die from the fumes of the face tonic, but I didnt' care.

On another note, tonight I'm headed over to my friend's janine's for dinner. Because this is Australia, there is definately going to be some form of alcohol present. Hopefully it's beer. Today is the beginning of my Easter break and it last until the first week of April. I'm going to the beach for 4 days this weekend, so I will post pics. So, I'll be around more often to chat and maybe even give a phone call to one lucky hottie back in the states. Life is good and it keeps getting better...I'm Happy'

Black Irish

St. Pattys day was crazy. Wish I felt like typing more. But I am becoming increasingly lazy. I will write more later. But alas I must go party so more...

Relationships

Talking to some friends back at home (3 of my best/closes female friends), I realized that we may just be growing up after all. That is, if growing up means doing the monogamy thing and settling down in a relationship. Even, I am ready to fully commit. Which is weird because I can barely commit to subscribing to a monthly magazine. (It's true, I feel as though I may grow tired of it and then the sex may become stale.) I think the phase of random drunken hookups, 4am booty calls, and the orgy parties have come to an end. The meaningless sex has ceased to be enough. With that said, I have yet to do any of the aforementioned sexual acts while in Australia. You all should be proud. But I wonder if with the commencement of our undergrad careers, have we also entered the series finale of our sexual histories?

I think the problem I have with relationships and committment to someone is that humans are fallable and are able to hurt you moreso than any other possible earthy creation. Both physically, mentally, and emotionally. Entering a relationship requires me to acknowledge that I'm giving someone partial control of my well-being and that accepting the possibility of not only getting hurt but that the situation may not work out as well. It's a scary notion to take the "dive", when it's just so much easier to occassionally swim alone. Sorry, about the heavy entry, just been thinking about relationships and committment and the "L" word a lot recently. And yes, I mean Lesbians...

Anyhoo...I gotta go plan a B-day surprise for two of my favorite Aussies, so I will catch you all later.

I'm doing well and drinking lots of Beer. Just like Dr. Mom recommended. Last night went on a pub crawl with this group I joined and met some cool people. Then i hung out with my friends, Ingrid and Sivia at this place called, the Roo Bar. It's a bar with lots and lots of back packers. You wouldn't believe the amount of sex that happens in a hostel. My GOD, I'm afraid to touch or sit anywhere in there with the chances of catching a STD...So, if any of you tell me that you stayed in a hostel while in a foreign country be forewarned that I will ask lots of questions about the sex...It's a beautiful day here, so I'm going to enjoy the weather. You kiddies take care and write back...love ya

New slang

Passing (pronounced; pashing) is slang in Australia for kissing or making out. If you pass with someone you're doing the deed on the dance floor. The word originated from drunk australians to lazy to complete a simple word. Passing is short for passion. And passing is passionate or some shit. You do it with friends, lovers, and random drunken hook ups. Yes, it's weird to me too, but that's the language.

It's time for another fun filled night of drinking...holla and oh yeah, baba booyee, baba booyee, howard stern's penis...baba booyee


Freestylers-- push up

Get it

Mardi Gras

Ok, so anyone who knows me and spoke to me last week knows that I really wasn't too interested in going to Mardi Gras. I was expecting Gay men and women dressed like, Liza, Madonna, Cher, Kylie, and Blossom. While, The Mayim Balik presence was overwhelmingly represented, that other trannies weren't in appearance. Atleast that I'm aware off (drunk off my ass must of the weekend) Here's a little time table of the events that began Friday morning and ended earlier on Monday.
Friday-
7:30am: My flight takes off from Melbourne. I'm hungover from the night before and not really interested in flying for an hour. However, they serve Honey Oats and show the Incredibles. I'm content for the time being.

10am: Walking around Sydney with Simon doing his best impression of a horrible tour guide. But it was good to find out that the Sydney Harbor and Opera house were located under an overpass.

12pm: On a boat to Manly island to head to the beach.

12:30pm: I refuse to take of my shirt and swim. However, it was beautiful to view the Pacific Ocean for the first time from across the world.

4pm: Knocked out and preparing for a heavy night of drinking.

6:30pm: We meet up with Terri (the mostly 'straight' guy on the trip), Lisa, Damo, Brett, and Matt and go to a gay-themed waffle house.

8:00pm: Buzzed and headed to the Imperial for a drag show.

10pm: I head to the bathroom in time to catch 2-guys having sex and a woman doing acid. It was like must see Gay-V

12am: The drag show starts and I'm already 10 beers down

12:15am: I dance on the stage to some horrible techno

12:17am: Someone asks' if I was a stripper. I answer, "yes" for the right cost...After a couple of oggles from men in the audience I sit in the corner and realize i'm fucked up.

2am: Last drag show and I'm almost out for the count. Head back to the hotel and sleep


Saturday-

12am: We all head down to breakfast.

2pm: I puke up my breakfast and take a nap

5pm: Head down to the parade with two 24 packs of stubbies (beer bottles) Carlton Drought (it's now my shit)

6pm: I meet Simon's beautiful lesbian friends and began to contemplate...


7pm: The parade begins with "Hooters on Scooters" Yes, it was funny...

7:30pm: I meet some Americans from Michigan State. They sound nasally


9pm: The tranny nannies come on stage. over 50 males and females dressed up like or favorite nanny, fran drescher. I have no idea why on earth they would choose her. But they did have a gay ol' time singing the theme song. I guess gay males do really enjoy kitschy sitcoms.

10pm: The parade is over and I'm fuckin' pissed drunk. These people drink like animals. Back at the hotel i change into some fatigue shorts and a green fitted shirt (this causes me much dismay later)


12am: I'm dancing in this huge movie studio with over 5,000 gays and lesbians. Most of them dressed in fatigue shorts or pants with a fitted shirt... I am not a stereotype...No longer drunk, I look for a solution.

1am: Fuck $9 for a beer, I pop a tablet of E (first time)


2am: I feel the music through my body as well as hands caressing my ass as I walk past.


4am: In some utopia with only my thoughts and really bad techno...it's time to go


Sunday-

12pm: wake up and prepare for an easy day

1:45pm: In a bar called Stonewalls dancing on stage drinking Carlton's


4pm: passed out and wishing that I was dead

9pm: Having dinner with everyone. Still in some trance

11pm: Drinking in Damo, brett, and Matt's room.

11:30pm: laughing about tranny nannies

12am: still lauging....

1am: still laughing. But now about a nun in a musuem who looks at old paintings


Monday--

4:35pm: on a flight back to melbourne


8:15pm: Some young asian girl working at Hungry Jacks (Burger King) calls me Usher. I'm flattered and determined to get free food...

10:18pm: and I'm done...now time for some homework. Unfortuneatly this isn't just an awesome vacation....

And then the weekend...

My first full official weekend in Melbourne is officially over and now I am already at the beginning of my final semester of Uni. Funny part about it, is that it's only 2.5 months of actual class time. The rest is consistent of holidays and exam periods. How cool is that? This weekend was the final weekend for everyone to go out and party before school started. And as student here, I felt obligated to do the same.
Friday I went to a house party with some people I met during orientation. Completely different than what I'm used to in Ann Arbor. The lack of a keg and beer cans was an interesting twist. It was a bring your own beer or alcohol party. Friday night turned out to be kind of low key, but not too bad. But it was looking like I was going to have a really good weekend.

Saturday: I go to work and lose my 3lbs for the day, when i walk pass this apartment building that was having an open house. The single bedroom apartments were bigger and charging only 10 dollars more per week. This led me on a crusade to get out of my current lease in which I met some very quirky characters and drank wine at 3 in the afternoon. The outcome of this situation is still to be seen, but today, I got in an argument with the head rental agent over an email that was sent to me stating the specifications of my lease agreement. They're fucking with the wrong man. Anyhoo...I met this girl also having a similar problem, so we decided to start drinking early. I was meeting up with my friend's James' friends from the state so I invited her a long. She provided some of the most random drunken moments later that night. We decided to drink wine cause it's cheaper over here. We both bought our own bottles and finished them within an hour and proceeded to meet Jenny and Naomi at federation square. But before we met them, we stopped in a pub where she got a shot of vodka and I drank a pint of carlton (my new beer of choice - a hybrid of like, miller and corona) It's also the cheapest at the pubs. So we met with Naomi and Jenny and went off to this club called, Icon. It's like a nicer version of Ricks. You all will be happy that I was able to dance on top of the bar and kiss a bride to be. The first thing she told me was that she, "had an African baby." Cheers to her...I didn't give a fuck, but oh well. After leaving there we went to Metro. It's a club with two dance floors, one with a main top 40 the other for reggae, hiphop/rap. The four of us kind of got separated here. Jenny and myself went to dance on top of the stage, where she started dancing with some guy. Then Naomi and Shelia came down. (Shelia is an African girl from London, who when she gets drunk starts speaking bombaclack). I gave a lap dance or two and danced for a couple of hours. Around 2:30, I took Shelia to a cab to go home where she started spouting incomprehensible jamaican sayings. On the way to get her cab, we met these three girls from melbourne (Lu, Jenny, and Sarah). Lu was fuckin gorgeous, one girl looked like the main girl from the Scary Movie trilogy and the other one was pretty plaine. But they decided to help me put Shelia into a cab and come back to Metro with me. On the walk back, Lu told me that it was her fantasy to have sex with a Gay man. I was very flattered, but wasn't looking for any snatch. Back in the club, Jenny is dancing on stage and Naomi is making out with this hot aussie in the corner. Cheers to her. So me and the new girls go downstairs and dance for the next 3 hours and then head off to KFC (yes, it was open at 5am) and the city was still alive and jumpin.

As you can imagine I slept the entirety of Sunday and then went to an International Comedy Film festival in the park with this guy, Jules, I met during orientation. He's gay, and good-looking. He looks like a non-threatening prince Harry. What I had thought was going to be me, him and his friends hanging out wasn't the case. It turns out that we were going to be sitting together a way from his friends. He provided the blanket and the snacks. I just looking to hang out and make new friends, but it turned into a date with him opening up about personal issues that I was not ready to hear from someone I've only known for 5 days. We winded up walking around the park, along and lake front, and playing on this playground. It would have been quite a date had I been made aware of this.

Funniest event of the weekend: random guy coming up to me and asking "cut or uncut?" Oh yeah, I may be working in a sex shop. Hey, it's 18/hr with all the free porn I can handle. Expect some post cards from Carlton Sex shop soon. Love you all and keep in touch...

Closer

Yesterday was a very interesting day. It started off slow with this really boring science barbeque. I had this misconception that it was going to be all of these losers talking about molecules and crap, reminiscent of the girl I spoke of in my first entry. But after arriving, I was made aware of this pub crawl that was going to start at 2pm. A pub crawl, for those who don't know, is going to 20 bars for 15 minutes each. Enough time at each bar to get atleast one or two drinks. Not knowing anyone in the school of science, I wasn't sure if I would like it. However, within the first pub or two, I met like 6 or 7 people and this continued for the rest of the day. It made the transition into this city a lot easier. Funny thing about most australians is that they're willing to take the effort to meet a new person, especially a Yank. The similarities between the cutlures are amazing with the accent being sometimes the only difference. I found myself talking to these new people like I would my friends at home. Actually had a lot in common with most of them. Including my love of Destiny's Child by both straight males and females. Take that American social construction of gender roles and cultures! On that note, I ran into a girl from UofM at one of the pubs. She was trying to dance on top of a table or something to get some free beer out of the bouncer. Unfortuneately, they didn't take to kindly to the drunk American girl knocking over glasses and stomping on chairs....the last pub I went to, I watched to straight guys making out. At least, I think they were straight...anyway, it was very hot. Is that weird? It was like watching gay porn without any of the guilt...haha.

After the pub crawl ended and I began to fill up my aussie phone book (which until yesterday had contained Simon, one of his friends, and the two gay blokes I had met at a pub and at orientation. That's a funny story onto itself), I went to go see the movie, Closer again. Although I was completely pissed (drunk) I could not take my eyes off of this movie. I think this movie is as ugly and brutally honest as it is beautiful. I don't think any other movie has accurately painted a better picture of how unfaithful and lustful humans can be. Out of the 4 other people I saw the movie with, one person hated it and the other three said it was good, but nothing special. In a drunken stupor (the movie brought up alot of issues that I've been forced to think about recently), I came to the conclusion of the types of people who like the movie and those who don't: The people who like the movie are a little more cynical in terms of relationships or just maybe a little more realistic in how the battle of the sexes works. Those who dispised the movie did so because of the characters were too hard to "like". Which is very true. If you've seen the movie, the dialogue and truthfulness is sometimes hard to watch. I think this movie may have reaffirmed how I feel about relationships and people and at the same time gave others an idea of the direction they would never take a relationship. It sort of turns you off from the whole notion of wanting to date. Is that because in today's dating and relationship culture, we've become too jaded to be motivated to see anything different? That's my little Carrie Bradshaw moment of the day...

Ok...I found out why my apartment complex can seem so lame at times. It's like meant for like Christians from Asian countries to like, gain a perspective on life and GOD and like stuff. It's so annoying. Two days ago, while coming back from working out, I asked the woman at the front desk about future pub crawls, drunken clam bakes, and circle jerks. She told me that they didn't believe in that stuff here. She gave me a pamphlet on alcoholism and sent me on my mary way. She's on my list. Anyhoo, I think I'm going to go work out and maybe see a movie with a couple of "friends". By the way...I totally met this girl who said she would hook me up with some aussie grass, but she called it "dope". Maybe she doesn't really smoke that often, but whatever, it's free hash....smooches ;-)